By Olivia Williams
In our Rainbow Reflections series, we highlight the experiences of members of the LGBTQIA+ community in their own words. For this series, we spoke to seven people around the world about their varying experiences. For an introduction to our participants and their thoughts on the labels that they use, please read the first article in the series, here. Their takes on the familiar question “Am I queer enough?” can be found here. The phenomenon of coming out is discussed here. In this final installment, interviewees offer advice to other members of the community.
Despite the fact that they have never met you, seven members of the LGBTQIA+ community, spanning from the United States of America to Spain, Britain, and Australia, want the best for you. True, they may not know much about you, and your journeys may be wildly different, but they have all struggled at some point in their journey. Here are their best pieces of advice.
On Being Gentle with Your Journey
“[O]nce you understand that you are queer, the specifics of that are only what you need them to be, as long as you aren’t devaluing someone else’s identity in the process. [G]ive yourself the space to look different, to try out different styles, different haircuts, and be aware that you’re not always going to look the way [that] you want. It’s a process, and you’ve [not] done something wrong.”
- MK
“I want people to know that you are not broken. It doesn’t matter if you feel a certain way because of a certain reason. You still feel that way. Your feelings in that moment are still every bit as valid as someone else’s.”
- Kathryn
“It’s okay to be different and for people to not understand you. What’s important is to be comfortable with yourself and to know who you are. Reach out, ask questions, and, above all, know [that] you aren’t alone.”
- Edward
On the Need to Compare
“Looking back, I’d tell myself not to judge my own transition based on what other people want.”
- Emerson
On Finding a Community, and Even Love
“[H]aving people in [your] life just being their queer selves helps a lot [with] embracing the possibilities of who [you] are [are] and how [you] can exist in the world.”
- Miriam
“It is not impossible to find love, or a healthy relationship, without sex or with limited sexual contact.”
- Kathryn
“The most important thing I did to help [myself] accept my identity was [to] find community in other queer folks.”
- Emerson
“[C]ommunity is really important. I think as soon as I started having friends that were queer, it made it so much easier to learn things and share thoughts and relate, because it is so personal. [A]nd reading about it or learning about it from people who don’t experience it firsthand is never going to be the same thing.”
- MK
On Protecting Yourself
“It’s okay to protect yourself however you feel you need to. Nobody is entitled to your truth if you feel unsafe or not ready to share it.”
- Kat
“I just want everyone to know that saying no is an option. You don’t have to be ace or graysexual. Literally anyone, for any reason, can just say no. There is literally no reason to have sex with anyone other than you want to, and you are both consenting and happy to be there.”
- Kathryn
On the End
“It all works out beautifully.”
- Hannah