by Meghan Serceki
Gender norms are often imposed on children from birth — in some cases, even before that. Some new parents, however, have been helping their children explore who they are beyond the gender binary.
In 2008, Jenna Karvunidis held the first “gender reveal party” while she was pregnant with her child, Bianca. This trend took off, with expecting parents finding increasingly extravagant ways to announce their child’s assigned gender. While these parties were held in celebration of their children and out of excitement, even Karvunidis herself has since expressed regret over starting the craze — not only because of the announcements which have gotten out of hand, but also because, in an interview with The Guardian, she expressed that she feels “they overemphasize one aspect of a person” and limits what they feel they can do, who they can be.
While gender reveal parties were becoming more common, other parents began challenging what it means to raise a “boy” or a “girl,” adopting a more gender-neutral approach to raising a child. Some have coined the term “theybies,” keeping the sex listed on their birth certificate unknown, and using they/them pronouns until their child chooses their own. Major wins have been made on this front in the last few years, too, with certain states allowing a third gender — “Gender ‘X’” — on a birth certificate. These parents try to expose their child equally to things traditionally deemed “feminine” or “masculine” rather than telling them they are one or the other and having the child come to the realization later that they might not fit into that category.
Some may not want to raise their child as completely nonbinary, but there are still ways they can promote the exploration and challenging of the limitations of gender. Toys and games are often geared towards one gender or another, meant to instill certain values or passions in them. Clothing trends press the gender binary as well, as children’s clothing was actually a gender-neutral bleached white until the 1940s when retailers started a marketing campaign which designated “pink for girls” and “blue for boys.” Allowing children to explore beyond this “gender barrier” simply through the toys they play with or the clothes they wear can have a significant impact on their relationship with gender and their understanding of themselves.
The truth is, though, we still live in a gendered world, and giving children the opportunity to challenge gender norms will necessitate parents’ support. This means making gendered toys equally accessible and as unstigmatized as possible, reducing the shame which can sometimes result from not following gender expectations. Who we are as individuals is so much more than what is written on our birth certificates. The possibilities for each of our lives are endless. Why limit ourselves or future generations based on marketing and anatomy?